Frequently Asked Question

Or: things I get asked before people buy a plate that says "Fuck Off"

Are all your pieces really one of a kind?

Absolutely. Every single piece is thrifted, repurposed, and swearing in its own unique way. Even if the phrase is the same, the china, font, colours, and general vibe will be totally different.
No repeats. No templates. Just one-of-a-kind filth — lovingly made and slightly unhinged.

Can I request custom orders?

Absolutely! I offer custom designs on 6–7 inch plates. You choose the phrase (up to 5 words), and I’ll match it to something from my ever-growing stash of vintage china.
Want all the juicy details? Head to the Custom Orders page for the full lowdown.

Do you ship internationally?

Bloody yes we do — and she’s packed like a porcelain princess.

Swears of Joy now ships internationally to:
🇬🇧 UK · 🇪🇺 Selected EU countries · 🇺🇸 USA · 🇨🇦 Canada · 🇦🇺 Australia · 🇳🇿 New Zealand

All international orders are tracked, packaged within an inch of their lives, and priced based on how much you spend — not how heavy your sass is (even though we both know it's emotionally weighty).

UK Shipping:

• £1.75 — Small items (untracked, like fridge magnets)

• £4.95 — Orders up to £50.00 (Tracked 48)

• £6.50 — Orders over £50.01 or larger pieces (Tracked 48)

International Tracked Shipping:

USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand

• £0–£16.00 → £16.95

• £16.01–£50 → £20.95

• Over £50 → £34.95

EU Countries

• £0–£16 → £11.95

• £16.01–£50 → £14.95

• Over £50 → £16.95

Don’t worry — I don’t fling your china in a paper envelope and hope for the best. Everything’s boxed, bubbled, and swaddled like its being adopted by royalty.

Can I hang them on the wall?

Yes! Some come with wall-hanger discs already attached. If not, they're easy to add, and I'll tell you how. Just ask.

Any other questions? Just shout - [contact me here]

Can I actually use the china for food or drinks?

Short answer: No.
Long answer: Absolutely not — but thanks for asking.

All Swears of Joy pieces are strictly for decorative use only. That means no tea, no toast, no microwaves, and definitely no dishwasher drama.

Each item has been hand-altered using methods and materials that aren’t food safe. They’re meant to be admired, gifted, displayed, or used to terrify your in-laws in the most stylish way possible.

How are the pieces actually made?

With time, swear words, and some incredibly clingy decals.

Each piece takes about 8 hours to make. The sweary design is printed, then sealed with multiple layers of acrylic lacquer before it even touches the china. Once dry, it’s cut by hand, soaked in warm water, and carefully slid onto cleaned vintage china (which is harder than it sounds when it's 30 degrees and you’re slightly feral).

After that, it gets a final coat of sealant on the china, and is left to dry and cure for 24 hours. No shortcuts. No mass production. Just one slightly unhinged human, one rescued plate, and one shot at getting it perfectly profane.

🎄 Custom Orders for Christmas 2025

I’m now taking a limited number of custom orders for Christmas!

✨ Cut-off dates:

• 🌍 International: Friday 22 November 2025

• 🇬🇧 UK: Sunday 30 November 2025

Each piece is one-of-a-kind, made by hand (and occasionally sworn at mid-process).
Once my custom slots are full, they’re gone — so please order early if you’d like something personal and sweary this season. ❤️

📦 Christmas Postage 2025

Royal Mail have done it again — price hikes and all — but don’t panic, my postage rates are staying the same.

🎅 Last posting dates:

• 🌍 International: roughly 6–10 December (depending on destination)

• 🇬🇧 UK: Monday 15 December 2025

Orders placed after these dates may not arrive before Christmas, so don’t leave your sass shopping too late! 🎁